Life with snails
2020 vision
my beautiful life


life with snails
Life in the Methleys comprises mainly snails. The street I live in houses a couple of cats. a hundred or so people and several thousand snails. I once found 170 in my own back yard. In horror and desperation I threw a bag of sugar over them, only realising my mistake when they became hyperactive and started to grow at an alarming rate. One particularly large specimen attempted to batter down my back door. Assuming it was after more sugar I barricaded myself in and then threw cakes at it from an upstairs window. It didn't help, I later realised it had seen a German sausage through the letter box and mistaken in for a potential mate. Moving slightly further down the evolutionary scale, the second most common form of life in the Methleys is the "Greater Spotted Methley Neighbourhood Activist", which is, in fairness, a rather poor imitation of a snail. Reducing the speed limit to half a mile per day was only the start. They want everything covered in trees and shrubs, they're all partial to a saucer of beer of an evening and most of them look really disgusting, especially in daylight. Still, unlike the snails at least they are too busy to breed....